Soul-Searching

As many of you may know from previous posts, I have been doing some soul-searching lately.  Staying at home with 2 children has been a real adjustment for me.  I often feel pulled in several directions and feel that someone needs something from me at any given moment.  This does not leave a lot of time for me to gather my thoughts and reflect on the type of mother and person I hope to be or the type of mother and person that I am becoming.  I feel as though I am stumbling through most days just trying to keep up with all of the demands of my children and home.  By the evening when my children are peaceful in their beds, I struggle to find the energy to do much beyond flopping my exhausted body on the couch and watching a show or two before bed.  Then morning comes and we begin the whole thing over again and again and again.

I started this blog as a way to focus on my hopes for the future, to spend some time reflecting on my successes and struggles.  Spending time on the computer writing and sharing has led me to browse some of your blogs and to think about some theories and styles of learning and teaching that I haven’t thought deeply about since my time in college studying to become a teacher. As a parent now, I have a new perspective and the information has a new saliency for me.

I have been reading books about Waldorf education and simplicity parenting. While these movements have always resonated with my beliefs about children, family life, and nature; I struggle with the pieces which seem based more in faith than science but touted as science and the prescriptive way that many authors write about their ideals. And perhaps that is at the heart of how I feel about it. It’s an ideal. But I still need and want to live in the reality of my home, my family, my community, my neighborhood, my circle of friends. So I’m sure I’m stating the obvious, but sometimes it helps to just get it out. I’m choosing to take a little and leave a little.

I belive in simplicity. Less of some things makes more room for other things. Less toys, less stimulation, less TV makes room for more conversation, more singing, more baking, more gardening, more crafting, more painting, more loving, more being together. And all that leads to calm joy.

I believe in nature. The outdoors and our natural ability to find with in ourselves what we need, if we give ourselves the space to do it. I want that for myself and my children. So here I am back where I remember being in my 20’s with some of the same high ideals, but now I have a family. And that makes it all more important.

I think I’ll head out to the garden now 🙂

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